Upside Downturn

Comedy series Flight of the Conchords pretty much passes me by to be honest. Could just be my dislike of comedy in songwriting. Sometimes though, it throws up a gem, and this is certainly one. It provides perhaps the definitive example of Qualifying Statements put to music.

“And when you’re on the street, depending on the street,
I bet you are definitely in the top three,
Good lookin’ girls on the street.
(Depending on the street).”

The joke throughout the whole thing is a play on the exagurated claims of R&B stars on the qualities of the lady they have just met. The girl that the Conchords meet is beautiful, sure, but they make sure that they keep the claims they make about her in perspective.

In business, endless qualifications are not a good trait to exhibit, but neither is hyperbole. The middle ground you should aim to occupy is just to moderate some linguistic habits that we have all picked up.

This is where verbal antidote comes in. The idea here is to get rid of words like ‘would’, ’should’, ‘could’ and ‘try’ from your vocabulary so that a question like ‘Can you have this done for me by friday?‘ isn’t answered with ‘I’ll try‘ or ‘I should be able to‘ but in a more definitive way ( ‘I can’t‘, ‘I will do‘ or ‘That won’t be possible‘).

This isn’t only used to remove ambiguity from your responses but also so you can frame things better that you want to ask other people. ‘Why are you always late?‘ becomes ‘I’ve noticed you always seem to be late in the morning. How can we stop that happening?‘. Looking to carry through these habits outside of work, ‘Why do you keep on wetting the bed?‘ becomes ‘What has to happen so that you stay dry all night?‘. All this is makes good sense but is remarkably difficult to act on and reminds me how deeply held bad linguistic habits are. Once they are  put into practice they make a huge difference in a very short time.

Three real world examples:

1. A supplier asks you if they can have something by Friday, but you’re not 100% sure that you’ll have it in stock or ready by then. Rather than ‘I’ll try‘ or ‘I’ll do my best‘ have a go with ‘It’ll definitely be with you Wednesday next week, is that acceptable? Of course, if it comes in sooner I’ll make sure you get it’.

2. At a job interview someone asks you if you mind working weekends if the project demands. Rather than ‘I might be able to sometimes, but it’s the only time I get to spend with the kids.’ you might like to say ‘I’ve got a young family so it’s not possible to commit to something where I’d be letting them down regularly. Is that a situation that happens often in this company? Is the planning here something I can help with?‘

3. Your sister asks if you can come over for lunch on Saturday but you know you have a fridge being delivered on the same day.  Rather than the unhelpful (and rather pathetic) ‘I’ll try‘ why not go for the more explanatory ‘DHL are delivering my fridge. As they can’t be any more specific than it’ll arrive Saturday, I’ll have to say no to lunch.’

Try it out in situations you come across yourselves and let me know how they go in the comments.

Ps. There is a quite large exception to my dislike of comedy in song form that I’ve remembered. There is an indefinable quality to this. Or maybe it’s the sharp, witty writing and catchy tune. Whatever – it can be found here.

andy strategy