10 iphone apps money can’t buy
Recently I’ve been looking for an idea for an iphone app to develop. Apple have announced they’ve had over 1 billion app downloads, which makes it a recession busting industry, and one that it’d be very nice to be a part of. Here are some of the ideas that didn’t make my final cut:
twitterpunch
Ever wondered why you tweet pictures of your cat, tweet about the cost of organic food, or tweet about your social incompetence? Help is at hand, this app will punch you every time you twitter; not just when you do lame, naval gazing tweets.
boat
Useful if you are stuck on an island based reality tv show with 12 muppets and a conflict-baiting camera crew.
ipillow
Really fricking handy when you are on long flights, or pesky train-replacement buses.
vegitracker
Grr! Rip off farmers markets. Simply take a photo of the offending £7 organic vegetable, and this app simultaneously gives you its real supermarket price and tells you what it is; ‘purple sprouting broccoli’ ah!
shawifezam
Make ill communication between you and your partner an historical footnote, by holding your iphone up to your wife/girlfriend mid rant, even 2 seconds is enough, and it will translate to what they really mean. “babble babble babble babble”, ah shawifezam says: ‘Pay me more attention rather than wanking over that fucking iphone’.
catnav
Ever wondered where Flossy goes in the day? Does she really shit in your neighbours garden, as per their allegations? This app tracks your cat’s position on Google maps and publishes it to other catnav users, so you can see your kitty neighbourhood and perhaps impose a curfew if she is fraternizing with that unsavoury tom from number 57.
iphone pro app
This app increases battery life, gives you a 5mp xenon flash camera, enables MMS messages and gives you the connectivity of Bluetooth all for $4.59.
bushcutter
Ditch dragging that epilator on holiday, this app makes light work of even the most forest-like unsightly bikini line.
twat tagger
Take a photo of any twat, any where in the world, and this app will automatically geotag the photo and adds the person to an online facial recognition database so other app users can be alerted when they’ve enter a neighbourhood with a high propensity of twats.
owl unlimited
Having a problem keep track of all your owl’s? This app brings owl management to a whole new level. With geo-owling, feather tracking, and falconry glove care tips all in one place. Solving life’s little problems one app at a time.
Feel free to add your suggestions for iphone apps that money can’t buy in the comments… Until next time.
deSlug
Pesky gastropods eating all the veg seedlings you’ve just planted? Launch the deSlug app and shake your iPhone gently over the offending mollusk. Then just stand back and watch them fizz!
Hi Paolo,
Very good indeed…
What about…
iFingerprintscanner
Simply smudge your finger onto the lens before taking a photo of a blank sheet of paper. Now only you or someone that has access to one of your fingers may access your iPhone!
iUroBanana – Protecting you from the tyranny of non eu-standard bananas. As ‘anyone’ knows the EU has strict standards about what bananas are allowed. Simply take a photo of your banana and your iphone will check whether it meets the EUs stringent requirments for ‘correct’ banana shape and size, in the event of a ‘failure’ the authorities will be automtically notified using using your GPS locator and an enforcemet squad dressed in blue lycra jumpsuits and yellow capes can be on the scene in minutes.